by Lakshmi
Originally published August 14, 2020
When I was in my late 50’s, I felt my life was stuck, static. Then someone I respected said, “You’re too young to be so resigned”. At first, I took offense. As I thought about it, though, I knew he was right. I hadn’t realized that I was so resigned to living my life stuck, just going about my day by rote. With this new awareness, I knew I had to do something about myself, my life.
In Living the Practice, Swami Radhananda reflects on something similar:
“I was just coming out of my marriage, looking for new work, and I was stuck. What was life about? There had to be something more to it. I could read a lot of books, do a lot of things, have a lot of friends. But I wondered: How do I get to know people more? How do I make real connections? Coming to the Ashram and doing workshops opened things up for me. I got to know myself on a very intimate level.”
Just as for Swami Radhananda, going to Yasodhara Ashram opened things up for me. There, I learned how to use the tools of yoga to explore and discover more of myself. At my first visit to the Ashram, I was asked to reflect on the question, “WHO AM I?” I have since gone back to that question over and over again as I continue to dig deeper into myself to find answers and lead a more fulfilling life here at Yasodhara Yoga center in Spokane.
In Time to Be Holy, Swami Radha states:
“You can be what you are and go on from there. Just find out what you are. Ask yourself, “Who am I? Where do I want to go? What do I want to make out of this life?…When you have a goal, you know that stumbling is a necessary part of your journey, and you will pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and go where you want to go. If you ask yourself what kind of person you are now, and what kind of person you want to be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, you can get the tools through yoga to achieve that goal. But you must decide on the goal. Nobody can do that for you.”
Though these may seem like difficult questions, they can lead to the joy of discovering who you really are. And by using spiritual practices such as mantra, Divine Light Invocation and Hatha Yoga as part of the process of reflecting on these questions, your answers can be clarified and lead to greater understanding and acceptance of yourself.
Following are additional practices to help your clarification process:
- Gaze in a mirror at your face, portrait size, including neck and shoulders. What do you see? A face of resentment or pain? Is it a face one can trust? Does it look deceitful or does the inner Light show through? What kind of face do you see? Look at your face for 2 or 3 minutes, then close your eyes and visualize it. Make brief notes. Double the time and continue the practice making notes.
- Say your own name aloud.
- For the first 15 minutes, look at yourself in the mirror while saying your name. Afterwards, make notes for 10 minutes.
- For the second 15 minutes, do not use a mirror. Again, make notes for 10 minutes.
- Once again reflect on the questions: “Who am I? Where do I want to go? What do I want to make out of this life?” Write what comes forward.