By Faith Hayflich
Originally published August 21, 2020
“We all have our emotions. I have mine. You have yours. But what we do with them, that’s a different story.”
~ Swami Sivananda Radha, Time to Be Holy
I’ve recently become aware of a tension between two sides of myself—one that is rigid and one that is flexible. They each have their uses: the rigidity enabling me to set boundaries, hold my ground, meet goals; the flexibility allowing me to accept, adapt, accommodate. But lately I’ve been noticing that I reflexively apply the rigidity to an area where flexibility is more effective—my emotions.
On one occasion, Swami Radha told me to learn to manage my emotions, and on another that managing emotions doesn’t mean not having them. But I try, often, to wrap up my emotions in a box, especially those I don’t like—grief, sadness, anger, frustration. I don’t give them space to be and so they and I struggle, wanting to break out of my self-imposed boundaries.
A practice I’ve found useful to deal with this is to spend time each morning looking at the water in a lake. The water flows, moves, sometimes in one direction, sometimes another, and sometimes still. It won’t be held in a rigid structure, and even if I tried to put it in one, the water would flow inside it. As I gaze, my mind flows with the water. The emotions gain space to arise and pass.
It takes will and flexibility for this practice—the will to sit and stay with it, and the flexibility to be patient, to allow. It’s a nice balance.
Practice
- Sit by a local body of water—the river, or a stream, or a lake. Watch the water’s flow. Reflect on the water.
- What are its qualities?
- What is its strength?
- How do you feel? Where do you feel it in your body? What arises for you?
“When emotions arise, catch them, look at them, take all power out, withdraw identification from them. This practice takes time, but it may be better than to struggle with them. It is harmful, even destructive, to suppress emotions or to deny their existence. Transform them into refined feelings. If the emotions have erupted before awareness could catch them, replay the situation and take the position of an onlooker. This will help you to become detached. Emotions are attached to certain personality aspects – the Self is always only the Witness.”
~ Swami Sivananda Radha, Kundalini Yoga for the West